Parsha Miketz

D'Var Chinuch, December 27, 2009/Kislev 30
Shlomo Cohen

Summary of events leading up to today’s parasha

Leah

Reuven

Shim’on

Levi

Yehuda

Rachel

(Bilhah)

Dan

Naftali

Leah

(Zilpah)

Gad

Asher

Leah

Isachar

Zevulun

Dina

Rachel

Yosef (Born in Charan)

Binyamin

Yaakov and his entourage were fleeing from Lavan, after 20 years in Charan.

Yaakov meets Esau, they make their reconciliation and go their separate ways.

Rachel dies giving birth to Benyamin near Beth Lechem

Jacob and his entourage settle in the area around Shchem, Bet El, Bet Lechem

Jacob and Esau bury Isaac in The Cave of Machpelah

Joseph is 17 and he tended sheep with his brothers (37: 1-3) p. 244

Joseph tell his brothers of his dreams

His dreams tell us that he is already oriented toward the future and has a way of thinking about it.

Jacob sends Joseph to learn what is happening with the brothers who are tending the flocks near Shchem. (They are near Dotan).

They see “the dreamer” coming from a distance and conspire to kill him.

Reuven instructs his brothers to not kill him, but to throw him into a pit (so that he can later save him and return him to his father.)

A caravan of Ishmaelites is passing by.

Judah (possibly not knowing of Re’uven’s plan) suggests they sell him to the caravan. (Also a plan to save Joseph from death?)

They bring to Jacob Joseph’s bloodied coat, torn to shreds.

Jacob mourns and cannot be comforted.

Joseph is brought to Egypt and sold to Potiphar, a member of the court of Pharaoh.

Joseph is made head of Potiphar’s household and is very successful and competent.

Potiphar’s wife tries time and again (yom yom) to seduce Joseph who is not only successful and competent but also described as handsome.

Potiphar’s wife frames him and he is thrown into the jail reserved for officers and courtiers of Pharaoh.

He does well in the jail and is given many responsibilities there.

He correctly interprets the dreams of the Pharaoh’s butler and baker.

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After the summary below of “Miketz”, today’s Parasha, the question I want to start our discussion with is:

Parashat Miketz (Summary)

Joseph languishes in jail for 2 more years.

Pharaoh’s “chartumim” can’t interpret his dreams, Joseph is called from jail to interpret the dreams.

Joseph is 30 years old (13 years since being sold into slavery) when he

interprets Pharaoh’s dreams.

7 healthy, beautiful cows come out of the Nile and graze in the reed grass

7 thin, ugly cows come after and stand near the 1st seven

The 7 thin cows eat the 7 fat cows

They remained thin. One could not see that they had eaten them.

7 good heavy ears of grain on one stalk

Joseph has impressed Pharaoh who appoints him to administer and oversee the coming famine and makes him second in command of all Egypt.

“Ein navon v’chacham kamocha” (Chapter 41:39 p 266 top left)

Pharaoh gives him the daughter of Potiphera (a priest) as a wife.

During the 7 plentiful years Menashe and Ephraim are born to Joseph and Asnat.

Sometime in the first year of the famine, 20 years after Joseph was sold as a slave, Jacob sends his 10 sons to Egypt to get food; but not Benjamin. (42: 1 p. 268)

Joseph recognized his brothers but acted as a stranger. Why doesn’t he reveal himself at this point?

He accuses them of being spies.

They deny the charge and tell their story.

We were 12 sons, upright men, the sons of one man. One is home with our father and another is no longer. We 10 have come here to procure food.

Joseph rejects their denial and says they will only go free if their younger brother comes to Egypt. Send one brother back and the rest will wait in jail until the younger comes. And he put them all in jail for 3 days.

While still in Joseph’s presence the brothers express their feelings of guilt and sorrow

Joseph heard it all but they did not know he understood because there was still an interpreter there.

He turned away from them and wept. (42: 24 p. 269 left hand side)

What is this weeping? Why does he not reveal himself at this point? Has Joseph not heard what he must hear?

What Joseph has heard has already softened him (reduced his anger and his hurt) somewhat. Simon (instead of all) is put into jail until the brothers come back with the youngest brother.

Joseph has the sacks filled, returns the money to their sacks and they go off.

At the inn as one brother prepared to feed his donkey he discovered the money in his sack of food. More troubles. They lamented. What has God done to us?

They arrive home and recount the details of their tribulations in Egypt to Jacob, their father.

“You sons always cause my lamentation. Joseph is no more; Simon is now gone; and you would take Benjamin!! If he meets with disaster, you will send my white head to sheol in gloom. (v’horad’tem et sevati b’yagon sh’ola)”

Sometime in the second year of the famine the food they brought back is eaten. It is time to return to Egypt to seek more food. A difficult discussion ensues between Jacob and his sons.

Judah (who suggested to sell Joseph to the Ishmaelites and not to let Joseph languish and die a slow death in the pit) tells Jacob that if he does not bring back Benjamin he will be held responsible by Jacob forever, (an unpardonable hurt).

Jacob sends gifts (spices, honey, nuts) and double the money with his sons. “May god help you with this man! Bring back Benjamin and Simon.”

“If I am to be bereaved, I will be bereaved.”

When they appeared before Joseph and Joseph saw that Benjamin was with them, Joseph tells his chief of staff; “Bring these people to my house, prepare food, they will dine with me this afternoon.”



They were greatly afraid because they were brought to Joseph’s house.

“It is because of the money that we found in our sacks. We are brought here so that they can attack and sieze us and enslave us.”

They plead with Joseph’s chief of staff and recount the events leading up to the discovery of the money which they found in their sacks upon leaving Egypt after their first trip to Egypt.

“Believe us! We don’t know how the money got into our sacks. We have brought the money back with us and also money to pay for the food we want to now purchase!”

“Do not be afraid! Your god and the god of your fathers returned your money to you. We have been paid!” And he brought Simon to them.

They heard that they were to dine with Joseph and while waiting for Joseph to come home they prepared the gifts which they brought with them.

READ THIS TEXT P 276 (26 – 31)

Joseph is overcome, and barely able to control himself.

WHY DOES HE NOT REVEAL HIMSELF AT THIS POINT? HE HAS ALREADY HEARD HIS BROTHERS EXPRESS SORROW AND FEAR AND LAMENT WHAT THEY HAVE DONE?

He eats with the Egyptians so as not to identify himself as a Hebrew

Joseph orders his chief of staff to fill their bags, put the money in the openings of the bags, and his silver cup into Benjamin’s bag.

The brothers left the next morning to return to Canaan and Joseph soon after sends his men after them.

“God forbid that we would do such a thing, to take your master’s cup, to steal!”If any of us has done this, he should be put to death and the rest shall remain as your slaves.”

“No! only the one who has taken the cup shall become a slave, the rest shall be innocent and free. “

They search the bags beginning with the oldest. Reuven. Simon, Levi, Judah…..from the oldest to the youngest. …Benjamin.

The cup is found in Benjamin’s sack. They rent their clothing and return to Egypt.

Judah and all the brothers are brought again to Joseph’s house where he was still at home; they threw themselves on the ground before him.

“Didn’t you know that a man like me can divine things; that I would find this out?”

Judah pleads. What can we say? How can we prove our innocence? God has uncovered our crime (against Joseph). We will all be your slaves.

“I would not do such a thing. Only he who has done this will be my slave!”

End of Miketz

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Discussion Dvar Torah

Why does Joseph not immediately reveal himself to his brothers?

Only 2 or 3 responses from the kahal because there are several other points I wish to raise and further discuss as we proceed. Members of the congregation comment.

Discussion:

Yes he was angry but what else did he feel?

He felt love and the desire for a return to relationship with his brothers.

His struggle was between the strong anger which he felt and the love he felt. The anger was the more powerful, it prevailed over the love.

Over the last years I have been troubled by a break in relationship. I have been struggling with issues of reconciliation and forgiveness. I have talked with some of you here today about these issues. Thus my emphasis today on the break in the relationship between Joseph and his brothers and the difficult path of return to relationship.

What I offer today is my own take, and while I hope they might be, I do not presume that my thoughts are relevant or helpful to any of us “davening” here together this morning, but me.

Some questions I have been struggling with and which I hope will be discussed today are:

What is reconciliation? What is forgiveness? Are they the same? Are they different? How do we achieve reconciliation? How do we achieve forgiveness?

My answer to the question of why Joseph did not immediately reveal himself:

From the Torah readings we know that Joseph is future oriented. Focus on the future is even incorporated into the name which is given to him by his mother Rachel. When he is born, she already looks to the future and says, “Yoseef adonai li ben acher”. God will yet

grant me another child”. We know from his own dreams at the age of 17, and later from his understanding of the future implications of the dreams of others that he has an interest in the future and a knack for understanding what might be. It is not that difficult for us to assume then that when he first sees his brothers he asks:

What will the future be between my brothers and me?

And as the story unfolds, it seems clear that he wants a return to relationship with his brothers. And so he asks himself:

How is return to relationship achieved?

Will revealing myself now help to achieve a return to relationship?

Will it hinder a return to relationship?

What is needed for return to relationship to be achieved?

Consider this example:

You have been planning to buy a new car

In his wisdom, Joseph understands that his brothers will be able to return to relationship with him and he with them only after the brothers have truly experienced and expressed their guilt and sorrow and when he too has witnessed and felt their expressions of guilt

and sorrow. How could they return to relationship before feeling and expressing their sorrow and how he could he return to relationship before experiencing their expressions of guilt and sorrow? Knowing that a true expression of sorrow is necessary for a return to relationship, he creates the conditions and provides the opportunities for his brothers to feel and express their guilt and sorrow. His actions enable each party to begin the difficult road for achieving return to relationship. There has been a statement or action of apology; a statement or action which means “I am truly sorry”. He has begun his work for the return and has created the conditions for them to begin their work.

REVEALING HIMSELF AT AN EARLIER STAGE WOULD HAVE CUT OFF OPPORTUNITY FOR HIS BROTHERS TO EXPRESS AND FEEL THEIR SORROW AND GUILT AND FOR HIM TO WITNESS IT, AND POSSIBLY HAVE SABOTAGED THE ACHIEVEMENT OF OPEN-HEARTED RETURN TO RELATIONSHIP.

The expression of sorrow and guilt is necessary! Is it sufficient? Was it sufficient with your new car that got scratched?

Joseph understands even more. It is not for nothing that Pharaoh describes Joseph as “ish chacham v’navon”, a man of wisdom and understanding. What else does Joseph understand?

Consider this alternative resolution to the new car problem.

After the car is scratched, the friend takes it to the dealership where you bought it, asks them to repair it, repaint it, have the car looking like new, give the bill to him/her. He then rents a similar car, comes to you, explains what happened. He apologizes, thanks you for your kindness, and gives you a bouquet of flowers. He tells you that your car will be fully repaired and look like new by Tuesday morning. There will be no evidence of the scratch to the car. Your friend will pick you up and take you to the dealer or make whatever arrangement is best for you. In the meantime, the rental car is for your use.

How do you feel? What is the difference here?

This action reduces the strength of the powerful emotion, in this case anger, which had, up to that point, overwhelmed the strength of love; the desire of the car owner for a return to relationship.

We have the expression of guilt and remorse, “I am sorry.” We have expression that suggests an understanding by the offender of the depth of how the offended experiences the offense. And we have clear action which brings with it a commitment that, “I will do what I can to make up for this and do my best to never allow anything like this to happen again in our relationship.

These two things are what the offender must do and what the offended must experience:

And to achieve return to relationship, what must the offended do. S(he) must be already open, or opened, to a return to relationship and also do what is necessary to achieve it.

Where in this story of Joseph and his brothers does the expression of this commitment, “I will not allow anything like this to again happen in our relationship”, occur? So far, by the end of Miketz, today’s Parasha, it has not occurred.

With apologies to next week’s Darshan, let us turn for a moment to the beginning of next week’s parasha, Vayigash, to learn what it is that occurs which enables Joseph to reveal himself and for him and his brothers to achieve a return to relationship. Let’s read this most beautiful telling of the tale (44: 18 – 35 p.281).

Judah recounts the whole history to Joseph and pleads with him to take him, Judah, as a slave in place of Benjamin and let Benjamin go free. It is not difficult to see Benjamin, Joseph’s full brother, as a substitute, here, for Joseph himself. Judah, the very brother who said, “let’s sell him to the caravan of Ishmaelites” is now saying, “Take me as a slave instead of Benjamin.” I/we will never again let anything like what happened before, occur again.”

As much as he wanted a return to relationship, Joseph understood about himself, that only after seeing and hearing the expressions of sorrow and the commitment to not allow this to occur again would he be fully opened to return to relationship. He was indeed a man of understanding, “binah”.

He designed the whole encounter to arrive at this moment of action and commitment by Judah on behalf of himself and his brothers. Even though he was the aggrieved and the more powerful of the parties, Joseph understood that he must do his part to work actively to achieve a return to relationship and Judah did what had to be done on his part and that of the brothers.

Joseph can no longer contain himself. He sends out the Egyptians, cries, and reveals himself to his brothers. “I am Joseph your brother. Go tell my father and come quickly down to Egypt, don’t hesitate.”

Were Joseph and his brothers successful in together working to achieve a return to relationship?

Joseph says, “You shall live in Goshen (a section in Egypt) and the sons of your sons will all be close to me.”

He kissed all his brothers and wept upon them and they talked.

Joseph and his sons are counted among the 70 souls who came down to Egypt.

Some of the brothers and Jacob were presented to Pharaoh

Jacob says about Ephraim and Menashe; “Li hem!” “They are mine just as Reuven and Shimon.”

Ephraim and Menashe, the sons of Joseph, along with others are blessed by Jacob,

Two of the tribes of Israel are descended from Joseph’s children.

And today we still acknowledge this return to relationship by blessing our own children with the bracha, “Ysimcha/ysimech elohim k’ Ephraim v’chi’mnashe.” May god bless you like Ephraim and Menashe, the children of Joseph.

It appears they successfully achieved a return to relationship.

It is not unusual when one is hurt in a relationship that (s)he stops talking to the other, avoids the other, stops all interaction. When this happens the relationship is frozen at the point of hurt and the relationship cannot be built anew. This lack of interaction makes return to relationship impossible. Continued interaction between the two parties; interaction which is respectful, which is loving, is needed, and is often so difficult because of the overwhelmingly powerful emotions involved.

Now, what is the word, in Hebrew of the process we have so far described to achieve return to relationship. We call it Tshuva and we speak of making T’shuva. What does the Hebrew word tshuva mean? It means returning. I am suggesting that there are three aspects to T’shuva; to returning.

One, a sincere heartfelt expression of “I’m truly sorry”.

Two, a clear commitment to never allow the hurtful event to again occur.

These two will lead to the needed reduction of intense emotions and to

Three, the work to be done by both parties to achieve forgiveness, the return to relationship.

I am labelling the return to relationship, the mark that forgiveness has been achieved.

In the study of our sacred texts, we most always look to the Torah for guidance as to how we should conduct ourselves. What about our other texts? Does the siddur, for example have anything to say about Tshuvah, the work of returning to relationship.

In a few minutes when we return the sifrei torah to the ark we will sing “Etz chayim hi” the last lines of which are

Hashivenu Adonai elecha v nashuva

chadesh yameinu k’kedem?

What do these words mean?

“Hashivenu” which comes from the root shuv, is translated as “Return us to you” “v’nashuva” and we will return.

Chadesh yameinu k’kedem: renew our days as of old. (Take us back to our relationship, to the way it used to be)

This is instructive. It is not only we who wish to return; both parties must act here for the return to relationship to be achieved. God who is powerful and we are called to action.

God, do something; “hashivenu”! Enable us to return

V’nashuva; and we will return.

If a return to relationship is to be achieved, both parties here, God and we, not one or the other, must act to achieve forgiveness; the return to relationship; as must both parties in other relationships which have been broken.

Does the siddur have anything further to say about how to achieve “solchanut”, forgiveness, which is required to achieve the return to relationship?

In the amidah, the central prayer of the daily morning service, the daily afternoon service, the daily evening service (shacharit, mincha, and ma’ariv), three times every day spread across the day, we are reminded by the first three brachot after the k’dusha of how to achieve forgiveness. I do not believe that the order of these brachot is accidental. The first bracha (de’ah, binah, v’haskel) – concerns knowledge, understanding & common sense.

Those of you who have attended a shiva minyan will recognize these 3 brachot from the Amidah of the ma’ariv service.

And today which is Shabbat, Rosh Chodesh, and Chanukah we take out 3 sifrei torah from the ark. Look carefully on what words are written on the kutonet of each torah: Deah, Binah and Chachma, close to “sechel”.

Understanding, knowledge, and common sense are the godly qualities which the young, brash, Joseph acquired only after his experiences of abandonment, betrayal, slavery, and imprisonment.

Godly qualities?

Did we not sing in the El Adon prayer this morning:

“Tovim m’orot she barah elohenu

The second bracha in the amidah after the k’dusha “Harotzeh b’tshuva” tells us that God desires that we make t’shuva

The third bracha which follows tshuva, “Chanun ha marbeh lisloach”, to grant forgiveness, reminds us that the achievement of forgiveness, “solchanut” which enables a return to relationship requires understanding and comes after the making t’shuva.

The siddur reminds us 3 times each day that we must be people of understanding, and if we are, we can make t’shuva, achieve solchanut, forgiveness, and accomplish the work of return to relationship.

You know, the Torah tells another story of brothers who after a hurtful break in their relationship and 20 years of separation come face to face again. Who are we talking about here? ………….Esau and Jacob!

Let’s see how this brotherly reunion and its aftermath unfold.

Parashat Yayishlach.

Jacob, who has taken Esau’s birthright and blessing, and who is now returning to Canaan after 20 years in Charan learns that Esau is coming to meet him with 400 men. Jacob is experiencing a profound and powerful emotion; not so much anger as fear; so much so that he divides his entourage into two camps, so that one camp might be spared if Esau attacks. He sends messengers with gifts to Esau. He adopts a subservient attitude describing himself as Esau’s servant.

Let us look at p 218 sentence 21. (Read the sentence in English)

“If I propitiate him with presents in advance and then face him, perhaps he will show me favor.”

“Propitiate” Webster defines this word as: “to appease and render favorable”

Now, let us pay particular attention to the Hebrew word which Jacob uses to describe his own action.

ACHAPRA PANAV; ULAI YISA PANAI?

Achap’ra. Does anyone recognize this word? “Kaper”, “Yom Kippur”, “Kappara”. Jacob is appeasing Esau. He is attempting to render Esau to be favorable. Is he making T’shuva?

Has he expressed his sorrow? Has he expressed his conviction to never again allow anything like what occurred to again occur? Is he doing the work to enable him and Esau to achieve return to relationship?

Let us see how Esau greets Yaakov (p.219: 4) after he has been “propitiated”. Esau runs to greet Jacob, he falls on his neck, kisses him and cries. Esau appears more ready than Yaakov to go forward and do the work of tshuva to achieve a return to relationship.

But no response of Jacob’s to Esau’s greeting is described. Jacob does not express sorrow; he does not commit to never allowing anything like what happened to again occur. Jacob is not ready to do the work of returning, of Tshuva. Any love which he feels is overwhelmed by the powerful fear that he experiences and Esau with 400 men, the more powerful, has not been successful in enabling Jacob to overcome that fear. And what is the outcome of this reunion where the work of T’shuva was not accomplished? (P. 220: 16).

ESTRANGEMENT from one another.

They go their separate ways, to meet again briefly when they bury their father Isaac.

Given the use of this word, l’chaper and the action it describes, sending gifts, and Webster’s definition, “to appease and render favorable” it seems to me that kappara, propitiation, is less than making Tshuva and results in a lesser outcome; a reduction of Esau’s intense emotion yes, a letting go by Esau of his wish to get back at; Reconciliation yes; but not forgiveness, not return to relationship. They are reconciled to not rebuilding their relationship.

Now, once again and for the last time today, let’s return for instruction and guidance to sacred texts other than the Torah.

What, if anything, does the Machzor which we use on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur have to say about these issues?

We are reminded: “B’rosh Hashanah yikatevun u’v’yom tzom kippur yechatemun.

The decree will be written and sealed.

Time is fleeting: Kamah ya’avrun v chamah y’barei’un mi yichyeh u’mi yamut; mi v’kitzo u mi lo v’kitzo. How many shall pass? How many shall be born? Who in his/her time? And who, not in his/her time?

Utshuva (not “V’chapara”), utfilah, utz’daka, ma’virin et roah hagzerah.

And tshuva, doing the work of returning, and doing the work of prayer, and doing the work of bringing about justice will decrease the severity of the decree.

Each of these, tfilah and tzedaka, is a form of Tshuva in a different sphere of our lives.

Tshuva: a return on the personal level to relationship with others which is the sphere that we have begun to discuss today.

Tfilah: a return to relationship with the divine.

Tz’dakah: a return to relationship with our community and with the larger society.

And what is the gzerah hara’ah, the severe decree?

Some here at Adat Shalom, I among them, cannot accept that God writes in his book and our fate is thus prescribed. The cruel fate as written by god in his book is not the g’zerah hara’ah which I fear and wish to avoid.

The gezerah ha’ra’ah as Yakov and Esav teach us through their failure to achieve t’shuva, is estrangement. Estrangement from one another, estrangement from the divine, and estrangement from our community. Any one of these in itself is indeed a harsh decree!

I would like to humbly suggest that our Religious Practices Committee take into consideration and discuss the possible development of an alternative Torah reading on Yom Kippur. The reading I propose we develop would include the tale of unsuccessful tshuva (Esau and Jacob) and its outcome, reconciliation to remaining estranged, and the tale of Joseph and his brothers who worked together to achieve more than reconciliation, who did the work of Tshuva to arrive at forgiveness and a return to relationship. I would be happy to be part of that effort.

Chag Sameach

Shabbat Shalom

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Some additional comments, thoughts, observations:

Even the powerful must do his/her part. Esau and Joseph and God. Even the more powerful must come forward, enable the weaker, make Tshuva possible, and participate in making tshuva.

FORGIVENESS IS NOT SOMETHING WHICH ONE “GIVES” TO ANOTHER. IT IS A CONDITION WHICH THE HURT AND THE HURTFUL WORK TOGETHER TO ACHIEVE.

Kapara leads to reduction in anger, a letting go of the desire to hurt back àreconciliation

Tshuva leads to reduction in anger, a letting go of the desire to hurt back and the achievement of forgiveness à return to relationship

Sid in his sermon reprinted in the Washington Post suggested that there is a difference between “reconciliation” and “forgiveness”: