The Haftorah reading for Yom Kippur morning is from the second book of Isaiah, 57:14 - 58:14. It takes us back to the end of the Babylonian exile, when the Jewish people were being permitted to return to Jerusalem. The portion is a powerful synopsis of the Yom Kippur experience. It calls for practicing Jewish values, and removing the stumbling blocks that obstruct the path, so the Jews can return to the land and to the values and deeds that will, as Rabbi David Teutsch puts it, "bring a society transformed."
Each year at the High Holidays we reflect on the past, ask for forgiveness for our misdeeds, and forgive others. We vow to improve in the year to come. We try to create a clean slate, so to speak, to begin the new year, much as Isaiah prepared for our ancestors to return from exile thousands of years ago.
All change takes preparation - and the right context and comfort level. I'd like to share with you my own attempts to use the Yom Kippur ritual to change my actions and deeds.
For many years I left Yom Kippur services feeling (besides very hungry) a sense of frustration. I knew that attending services and "going through the motions" would not make the world a better place, but the expectations articulated by the litergy left me feeling defeated. I felt that however much I was doing, it was inadequate. I didn't think I could do anything more. But I felt caught between feeling that I should do more and resentment at being asked. And the Haftorah we're about to hear asks a lot of us.
One year while I was participating in a Yom Kippur afternoon session given by Marla Zipan and Kit Turen , I realized that, in Reconstructionist fashion, I could revalue my Yom Kippur experience. I wanted a practice that motivated me and paved the way for change, Vicki-style. I now do two things differently.
First, throughout the day I try not to focus only on the ways that I have come up short. I actively think about my helpful, nurturing deeds through my employment that has ranged from nursing to "white hat" environmental law. I focus on time spent with friends and family, volunteer pursuits, even the simple things like recycling everything I can. I think about what has gone right, not just what has gone wrong.
Secondly, during the Vidui (confessional) I gently touch my heart with my open hand, rather than tap my chest with a closed fist. "Beating myself up" just didn't do it for me. Navigating personal changes within my own comfort zone has motivated me to continue to seek what feels right - and righteous.
So, this touchy feely stuff how can it possibly encourage someone to change his or her behavior? Does it not just allow us to feel complacent when we leave services and thus end up ignoring Isaiah's ethical manifesto?
Well, there is more to this story. Good deeds have many angles and forms and come in all shapes and sizes. You must start with what feels good to you. Its your entry point to doing more.
I have learned to pair my inventory of shortfalls with a stock of ideas of what I want to change, and how—rather than what I think is expected from me. It has been hard for me to give up some of my "good work" when I no longer enjoyed it. When I start to slide into the trap of thinking I can't give up an activity unless I replace it with a similarly good deed, I try to remember the breadth and depth of mitzvot—that quality prevails over quantity.
Just as we need environmental activists in the world, we also need ethical business people and every other kind of work in between. So, like any good nurse, I have a list of prescriptions—and unlike a good lawyer watching her billable hours, some require only minimal time. Put recycled paper in the printer. At home and at the office. Visit an ailing grandparent. Help a blind person onto the metro. Take it yourself. Pay attention to the words that pass your lips. These are points of departure upon which we can all build.
With an extra hour or so a week you can try something new you would like to do. Sign up to help at the Living Word Church, or some other activity through the Social Action Committee. Look over your financial portfolio - are you supporting enterprises that do not reflect your Jewish values?
We all do best what we like to do—so do what you like and do it in a caring way. No "lashon hora" (evil speech) as Rabbi Fred has repeatedly reminded us over the past 10 days. I, for one, appreciate all the reminders on that score that I can get.
In this sensitive and caring community, I feel safe in saying that you should decide for yourself what is good and just. Don't be swayed by what others do. Chart your own course, as Isaiah and our exiled ancestors did so many years ago. Together, we can each contribute more to an "Adat Shalom and a world transformed."
Besides, if I let you leave here feeling complacent, Rabbi Fred would never let me on this bimah again.